How determinism can help insurance companies deny medical claims

This satire makes a good point.

Why Evolution Is True

I think this article—which could have come from The Onion but actually came from another “joke news site,” The Beaverton—is hilarious. 
Here’s an excerpt; I hope compatibilists have a sense of humor!

Chicago, IL – American health insurers have begun classifying all medical claims as pre-existing conditions and refusing to offer settlements because of the clockwork nature of the physical universe.

“Everything that has happened, is happening or ever will happen was set in motion 13.8 billion years ago,” says Annalise Bufford, the spokesperson for the Insurance Company Trade Organization. “We can’t be expected to pay out on health problems that began eons before the policy went into effect.”

A small cottage industry of philosophers has sprung up to help customers navigate the increasingly esoteric insurance claims process.

“Like everyone else, I used to make fun of philosophy majors,” recent patient Guy Tregowan says. “But now I’m grateful someone…

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